How to avoid a speeding ticket

And now for something completely different.

I was a window salesman in another life. Working day and night for “the man.”

Whatever. Anywhay.

It was pretty common for the boss to work me late. I mean late late. Like 10 pm, 11 pm, 1 am.

So I’m coming home one night. 1:30 am. Believe it or not, I was talking someone’s ear off trying to sell them some windows.

So it’s LAAAAAATE and I am tired as….tired.

I’m swerving inside my lane. A cop pulls up behind me. Gumballs flashing.

My name ain’t Luke or Bo, and I wasn’t drivin’ the General Lee, so I pulled over.

Cop says “where you comin’ from?”

I told him the truth (naturally).

He didn’t believe me.

Totally understandable.

I mean…I guess you see a guy swerving in his lane 1:30 am, the last thing you think is he just got off a sales call.

If I was the cop, I wouldn’t believe me.

But that be where I was.

So after a few rounds of this non-productive conversation he looks at me, pauses…

“Alright Mr. Lewis turn the engine off and get out of the car.”

Awe shyte.

So now I’m doing a sobriety test on the side of the road.

At this point, I think I should mention…

…I’m dressed in a suit, complete with a fancy tie.

And it’s about 30 degrees outside.

And those dress pants aren’t insulated.

Anywhoo, after the cop was (reluctantly) satisfied that I could tie my shoes, say my ABCs, and walk without falling down, he lets me go.

Moral of the story?

Stay in pre-school kids. Might come in handy some day.

No. no. There was a point to this story…

You want to avoid gettig a ticket? Don’t drive drunk. Also, dress nicely. At the very least, the cop will address you as “sir.”

Ok. ‘Nuff of this. On to bid-naz.

If you want to have some money when you get old and gray, don’t let it drive drunk either.

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David Lewis, AKA The Rogue Agent, has been a life insurance agent since 2004, and has worked with some of the oldest and most respected mutual life insurance companies in the U.S. during that time. To learn more about him and his business, go here.